


Reading Lessons

by RandomnonsenseDA (B1nary_S0lo)



Series: Ilora Hawke [10]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Dragon Age II - Act 3, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Relationship Problems, Strained Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26335984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B1nary_S0lo/pseuds/RandomnonsenseDA
Summary: Hawke opens up to Fenris about her problems with Anders.
Relationships: Fenris & Female Hawke (Dragon Age), Fenris & Hawke, background Anders/Female Hawke, past Fenris/Isabela
Series: Ilora Hawke [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/519628
Kudos: 3





	Reading Lessons

“Very good, Fenris,” Hawke said. “We’re going to have to find you more difficult material. You’ve made fantastic progress.”

Fenris closed the book he had been reading from and muttered something that sounded like “Hmph.” Even so, Hawke caught the faintest hint of a smile on his face. She gave him a smile of her own, then got up to re-shelve the volume they’d been using.

As soon as she stood, though, a wave of exhaustion washed over her, almost like it had been lying in wait. She steadied herself, waiting for the dizziness to pass.

“Everything all right, Hawke?”

She turned back to face Fenris, who was studying her with intent concern. She smiled faintly and shook her head.

“I’m fine. Just a bit tired. I’ve been staying up late, what with An—” She abruptly cut herself off.

“For goodness sake, you can say his name around me,” Fenris said. “I may not like him, but I know what he means to you.” His eyes narrowed. “Is something the matter between you two?”

Hawke came back to the table and sat down, hesitating before she said anything more. Talking about Anders with Fenris was always a dicey prospect, given how much they hated each other. She worried it was somehow a betrayal of Anders, and she hated to give Fenris any reason to speak ill of him. But as another wave of exhaustion rolled over her, combined with a clawing panic she’d been feeling for weeks now, she couldn’t help it.

“It’s been… difficult, to be honest.” She blinked rapidly, looking down at her knees. “He’s just been so… distant lately. And… and the way he talks… he’s so _hopeless_.”

To her horror her, voice broke. She cleared her throat. She would _not_ cry.

“He’s never been happy, exactly,” she went on. “He’s always had bad days. But he’s _never_ been this—"

She cut off, trembling with the effort of trying to keep her emotions in check. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Fenris, terrified to see pity in his eyes.

“He’s never been this what?” Fenris said, his voice gentler than usual.

Hawke took a deep breath in. Just get it out, she told herself.

“Last week,” she said, “I caught him trying to give Varric the pillow his mother made for him.” She took another deep breath, steadying her voice. “He’s had it since before the Circle. He can’t sleep without it. Why would he—?”

She couldn’t say anymore. All of it, the tension of the last few weeks, the sleepless nights, trying and failing to get him to talk to her, it all collapsed on her. She covered her face with her hands. Nausea rolled over her and her breath came in gasps.

“Hawke?” Fenris’ voice penetrated her awareness, full of alarm. She heard his chair creak as he got up.

“I can’t… I can’t lose him. Not Anders.”

“Shh…” Fenris. She felt his hand grip her shoulder, steadying her. “It’s all right. It’s all right.”

His low, soothing voice and his hand on her shoulder steadied her, brought her back. Her breathing evened out.

“Sorry,” she said quietly.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Fenris’ voice was hard. “Am I the first one you’ve talked to about this?”

“Varric knows. But we haven’t spoken about it.”

“If things get worse, you know you can always come to any of us.” He smiled wryly. “And, I have a lot of extra rooms.”

Hawke smiled back. “Thank you. Hopefully it won’t come to that.”

Fenris unfolded himself from his chair, and Hawke stood as well to see him off. As they moved toward the door to the library, she caught a glimpse of blue fabric peeking out of one of his pockets.

“What’s that?” she said.

“It’s nothing.” Fenris quickly stuffed the cloth the rest of the way into his pocket. “Just something Isabela gave me a few years ago.” He muttered this last part, so Hawke had to listen hard to understand.

“From Isabela?” she said. “You kept it? After all this time?”

Fenris shrugged and said no more. Hawke hesitated, then reached over and squeezed his arm.

“I’m sure she’d be flattered.”

“What does it matter?” Fenris said. “We’ll never see her again.”

Almost gently, he pulled his arm away and stalked out of the room. Hawke sighed once, before following him back to the front room.


End file.
